I have found a needle of fault, in a haystack full of glory. Let that sink in.

Collins Mutiso is a friend. One of the good people I feel blessed to have crossed paths with. He’s my classmate as well. We’re studying to be Quantity Surveyors. His name really is Mutiso, I used Mutiso in No Role Models just to vex him. Uchokozi tu. But I’m about to give to you guys the real Mutiso. The one and only. The true one. The whole D! D for Django. He’s good people.

He loves God. And he loves love. He’s never been shy of bringing up God’s name in any conversation. I have to confess, sometimes he used to make me feel uneasy. I’d let him talk only because he’s my friend. Also because I wanted to understand why He would love God so much.

I struggle with my faith.

I’m Catholic. That means catechism. They teach you about God, rules of the Church, your roles as a Christian  Catholic, how (and why) you need to confess and the most important one- communion. [Oh wait, I think the Pope is now telling us to ask the LGBTs for forgiveness. He’s preaching love. Love wins. Bluh. Bluh. Bluh. Somebody please give sarcasm a font.] You grow up loving God. Praying. Knowing God is all that. You become a God-botherer. Because you need Him and He really IS all that. You will celebrate mass as an alter boy because it feels good-it’s fulfilling to the soul. A bond so real is developed and you break religious protocol and declare Him your boyz (boiz?) – your best friend. There’s a link, a special connection. And then, He allows life to test you. And you have a falling out because you don’t understand why He let’s bad stuff eventuate.

I’m yet to go for mass this year. It’s regrettable.

As I said, Mutiso will bring God up any time, any place. And I’d get the usual tinge of uneasiness, but I’d just put on a half-smile and let him talk. It’s what friends do. When he talks (about God), we all listen. He seems to have it all figured out. He’ll bellow about how happy he is to be in a relationship with God. He’s whipped. He reads the Bible everyday. He feels the link, the special connection.

“Mi najua God anatupenda sote tu equally.” (I know God loves all of us equally.) On this day, he chooses to begin his daily “sermon” this way. There’s three of us somewhere, hanging out, bonding- over a loaf of bread. Just bread. Sort of like the twelve. Ouch?

Before he began his sermon, he spoke of how love is the greatest thing on God’s green? earth. Love wins. We are all in tandem with this. And we agree that we have to leave the world a better haven-we’re millennials, we muse over this “…better than we found it.” philosophy.

And here’s why I called this piece Preacher;

One, he went to the sink filled his cup with water, set it on the table -and he talked, and talked, and talked- he took water breaks in between. He preached. He had on a Super Mario t-shirt with grey nautical stripes. A preacher in a Super Mario t-shirt. And a beard. It’s been said that beards are pretty much the only thing guys are comfortable complementing each other on. He’s been blessed with strings of virility on his face. Two years ago, it looked like he had “whiskers”. But now, I’m pretty sure his beard makes decisions for him. No seriously, he’s like an African Moses-even Chuck Norris would be jealous. I wonder if there are any good beard jokes out there.

Two, Seth Rogen has a series he’s developed- same name. This is my way of telling you guys to watch the pilot episode. It’s genius. 

Moving on.

He talks at length and with such infectious charisma. His words are as strong as the wood from an oak tree. It angers him every time he goes to church and automatically gets the feeling that the pastor is selling a lie to his flock.

“They cram one Bible verse and sell it to those of weaker faith.” I nod in agreement. And so does John. John Kitur. (There’s three of us, remember.)

You know, like the panda mbegu (plant a seed) people with their Bible verse. Or the God loves a cheerful giver TV couple- I won’t say which one. Okay, the obvious one. And the ones with the all the belligerent and imposing titles- Doctor Reverend Apostle Archbishop something something. It’s depressing. It’s vain.

I’ve always said that there are two things in this life that are full of glory. God, numero uno. (With Manchester United earning a cool second place). How many times have you heard Man Utd being mentioned this past week? And how many did you hear God’s name? Ask those around you.


Anyways, what the panda mbegu guys will feed you is the Gospel of prosperity. God is merciful. Patient. Forgiving. He has a plan for you. A plan for “prosperity”… they will lie to most people that prosperity means material wealth.

So they’ll say, “You see, God wants you to be rich!” This is hope being sold so cheaply. Using God’s name. Hope is a dangerous thing, remember? An illusion of truth. He wants you to be rich? For real? Isn’t that supposed to be some sort of bonus? Grace, perhaps? But it’s what their mouths will fart out to you. [They use expensive toothpaste,  don’t worry about the smell.]

What they don’t tell you is that the lives of children of God should be adorned with altruism, servitude and love. Remember Mother Teresa? The only quest should be to seek wisdom while preserving the commandments. To fear the Lord. Those are not my words, it’s what chapter 2 of Proverbs is all about- seeking wisdom, the same way you’d seek silver and gold. There’s wealth in wisdom- and that’s prosperity. “It shall be health to your navel, and marrow to your bones-wisdom.” (Chapter 3, verse 8.)

Do you want to know what Chapter 1 asks of us? It asks for reverence of the Lord’s commandments. It asks us not to be greedy of gain. It tells us to refrain our foots from the path of the evil.

But whoso hearkens to me shall dwell safely and shall be quiet from fear of evil.” (Chapter 1, verse 33.)

I’ve decided that no one else is going to interpret the Bible for me. I’ll start by reading the book of Proverbs. The book is full of truisms. It helps me think. Thanks to Mutiso, I’ve read three chapters. I’m about to spend my morning with the rest of the chapters. I’ll stop listening to the world and arrive upon the truth all by myself. Thus begins my spiritual journey. Then I’ll read Corinthians- Kitur’s favourite.

There exists shepherds that have dedicated their lives to leading the flock towards the promise of eternal life. The good guys, however few. They will not kiss ass. They will not tell us what we want to hear. They will not sell us hope. Hope is cheap, have some standards. They will ask you to get born again. They will remind us that we serve a jealous God. God is jealous, in all His glory. Don’t misinterpret me, I don’t want to call this a fault as earlier stated. He’s perfect. He’s holy. But He’s also jealous. He knows how harmful it is to us when we don’t abide in his vine. Let that sink in. He gets jealous when we forget to seek Him. When we forget to fear Him. Or put our full trust in Him. Am I wrong for this? If God is jealous, is that why He gets angry? Si we’ve all heard about the wrath of God?

Do you remember being made to feel jealous? Do you remember getting angry? Sad, maybe. Is that how we make God feel sometimes?  Aren’t we created in His image. His likeness. Am I making sense? Why would you allow someone to lie to you and tell you that God wants you to drive a Prado in 2016? Hio imeandikwa wapi? How will a Prado earn you eternal life? Don’t you feel a bit short-changed? Why not read the Bible all by yourself and get to understand what He asks of you? Get to see where it’s written that you will drive a Prado. In 2016. Tsk.

Reading the Bible and arriving upon the truth on your own- that’s wisdom. That’s the journey. And I thank Mutiso. Because his incessant nagging about God has put me upon this path. This quest for wisdom.

I will love my Bible. Will you love yours?


12 thoughts on “Preacher.

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