“Will they fall in love?” she has these inquisitive eyes. They profess embers of curiosity. A fire you have to feed because you just can’t help it.
“Who?” I ask.
“The Doctor and the widower.” She’s just read an excerpt from Perfect Blue.
“I don’t know. Maybe.” I shrug.
“I know they will, I saw you had written it down. In another page”
“So you want them to fall in love?”
“I do, I think that would be… nice.”
“Nice? Just nice. Not great?”
“You know what I meant David.”
“Hmm… What else did you see?” Remember that book in my first post, where I said I keep almost all stories, okay, she met the cousin to that book. Where I write my other drafts. Where I’m trying to write Perfect Blue. This was some time in April.
“I read the other scenes… they’re pretty awesome.”
“The widower is the father to one of the three kids, yes?”
Where do these three kids fit in in all of this?
You’ll see, I’m not done.
I’d have wished for Perfect Blue to be a play. But no, I’m such a fan of the fourth wall. I’d have to just break it over and over. You guys would have loved it. But that’s just too easy, I wouldn’t have loved it.
I had wanted it to be a movie, so for a while, I used to call it a “script”.
Another Fault in Our Stars perhaps. (I haven’t watched the movie, I’ve only read 10 pages of the book and that was more than a year ago.)
I get bored easily.
They say if you want to write more, you have to read more. I don’t read much. I listen, I observe, I watch. I have conversations. Sometimes, I just rely on intuition. Or something my mum said-memories. So far, I admit, she was only wrong about two things. Hold that thought. If you don’t read enough, the writers block comes at you as easily and as quickly as Monday. But it’s my style. The unconventional. If you do it differently, you do it better, again, I don’t know if I heard this somewhere, or just thought it.
I will not apologize for my hiatus. I’ll just say that my previous post took me back to square one. A dark room whose door I thought I had locked. Circles and Scars, an aunt of mine insists, should be my first book. No it shouldn’t. It’s a great story, I mean, it’s a story about my life. But it’s nothing good.
Let’s call this friend of mine Amina. She told me there’s a Kikuyu proverb “Nothing good comes from good places.”
This was that gentle push I needed, even though the post wasn’t ready. I for one, wasn’t ready, I did it anyway. Broke my heart, hers too, because I felt I needed to prove myself over and over again. And she knows I’ll always be sorry. But to that bunch of strangers and bad friends. Hehe. Fuck you.
And why not? Do you want to re-read that sentence, just to make sure that there’s a certain word you read that I’m not supposed to use in my own blog? You want to point out THAT particular mistake? Okay, okay, what’s the opposite? I apologize. (un-fuck you?)
I’m the write David, I’ve been told I’m good, but I’ve received put downs and sneak disses in handsome measure. In torrents. And they ransacked my ego. Which wasn’t much to start with, I’m not afraid to admit that I’ve had esteem issues. Past tense now. I took them all in. A seed of self doubt had been planted, what it bore, overshadowed the tree of confidence in me. Never again. It’s easier to believe the bad stuff people say because we’re constantly seeking approval. (Or maybe it’s just me.) Negativity bias ladies and gentlemen, it has to stop. If it has for most of you, then it’s taken me a while to catch up.
I’m setting the tone for this post. This post is supposed to be blue- like a cloudless and lonely sky. As I let you in on my work of fiction you’ll feel like you know everything and nothing all at once.
My book Perfect Blue contains too many flawed characters. I see perfection in mistakes. That’s blue. Get with it. There’s a doctor and a widower. And they WILL fall in love. Not because they have to, maybe they’ll want to.
There’s three childhood friends -Emma, Andrew and Will. I asked myself if the world really has the time for another love triangle. They don’t understand love, no young person should. Their bond grows deeper as they grow since love won’t be the only challenge life will throw at them. Their loyalty towards each other will be tested. And each of them experiences emotional and spiritual growth uniquely. I’ve drawn parallels from my life,from the shows I’ve grown up watching and vivid imagination.
That’s five major characters. Which I can easily choose to kill off by, say, a road accident. You know nothing is all I’m saying.
It’s a story about finding yourself when everything you’ve stood for and believed in turns on you. A story where even the conscience and the voice on the left will have to team up for the sake of your soul. I will turn off the lights and make it so dark. It’s a story about hell-where the mind gets bludgeoned to a pulp and burnt to a frazzle. It’s also a story about fighting your way out of it, choosing to be strong. The lights can always be turned back on.
So enter Ed, the widower.
When you guys meet him, he’ll already be fourty-seven years old. He’s IT. A Real Estate magnate. A success story. He’ll be wealthy. Not rich. You’ll see. There’s a difference between the two, a bridgeless chasm. He’s done everything by the book. His Catholic boy faith in God, his hard work, why he chose this career, the love of his life, Liz and their son-it was all streamlined. I’m trying to say Ed’s life was perfect. To be perfect is to lack balance. To be perfect is to be boring. To need or want to be perfect means you’ll make a lot of mistakes. Thus to be perfect is to be heavily flawed. Ed will realize this too late. A life lived ‘by the book’ is as tainted as a life lived by no bounds. Ed will be put to test. He will learn how humbling life can be. He will lose all hope, His faith in God, tested, his will to live -broken . I CAN TAKE YOU THERE. He will find balance. You’ll see, through him, how past mistakes shape our very future and where we need to draw the line and decide to move on.
I’ll summarize Emma in two words, daddy issues.
Will, mummy issues. One who nobody understands.
Andrew, the romantic. A guy who loves love.
Then Rachel, the Doctor. Who’s actually my favorite character.
I just thought, for a comeback post, I’d let you guys read an excerpt which will be posted in the days to come.
Perfect Blue is not just a story, it’s life as we know it.
You will like part of it. 😉